Afraid of sleep....

One of my fears with Beau is my fear of sleep.  Why?  When Beau has a seizure it has been during sleep.  His seizures used to be during the initial phase of sleep, generally within the first 30 minutes of falling asleep.  They've changed over the year and some have actually occurred coming out of nap or during the early morning hours after a night of sleep.  My guess is that it has to do with REM sleep; either going into REM or coming out of REM.  Whatever the reason, it terrifies me.  I still feel a lot of guilt (not nearly as bad as I did early on) about the first seizure Beau ever had - the night he was sent to Iowa City by ambulance.  I have a good friend that has a child with a DCC (disorder of the corpus callosum) and her little boy also has seizures.  It's been nice to have her to talk to about this topic, because she completely understands where I am coming from.  People from the outside don't really "get it" or understand these feelings and fears that I have.  I often wonder when I'll ever get over this fear and when I'll ever be able to let Beau sleep on his own.  I always seem to say an extra little prayer for Beau before sleep, praying that God will protect him during his sleep. Super paranoid?  Yes, probably......but look at what I'm trying to protect.