People are starting to notice.....

I have to preface this by saying that I am in NO way embarrassed by my son - I love him and am so proud to be his mother.  Here's the thing - I've started to become aware of the fact, that people are starting to notice.  They're starting to notice that Beau may be a little different.  Ever since Beau was born, if you'd look at him, you wouldn't physically see anything that would make you think he was different somehow or had medical problems.  He's a beautiful little boy that looks just like any other little boy his age.  When he was a baby and we'd carry him around no one would know that he couldn't crawl or couldn't walk - they just assumed we were carrying him to carry him, after all he was a young child.  Other times we'd be places and he'd be in his stroller and once again, no one could tell that anything was wrong.  He'd be in the cart at Wal-Mart and he wouldn't speak to a stranger or the cashier when they spoke to him - they'd assume he was shy and that was the end of it.  No one knew that he wasn't talking to them because he couldn't. 

Adults don't realize that their comments or their stares, that come strictly out of curiosity, can sometimes hurt a mothers feelings.  I am the first one that is OK with talking openly to people about Beau's brain abnormality and educating as many people as I can, but sometimes I don't always have the energy to do that.  Beau is a good sized kid for his age of 3 1/2 years.  He is tall and looks a little older than he is.  It throws people when they hear him cooing, babbling and making different sounds when we are out places because they know that he should talk and yet he sounds like a baby.  We have a bad habit of carrying him quite a bit, especially during times like now, where his balance is horrible and he falls so much.  I  know people wonder why we are carrying this toddler around. 

I guess what I'm getting at, is that we are hitting another crossroads and transition period.  We are going from baby stage - where no one could tell anything was wrong with Beau - to late toddler stage where it is becoming more obvious that something is wrong.  Children his own age don't necessarily realize that anything is wrong with Beau.  They see him as any other child, but it's adults that pick up on it and they stare without even realizing it.  I hate to be sensitive to the stares or comments, but when it comes to my son, I'm a mother bear and want to protect him.  I've toughened up a lot over the last several years and seem to be able to handle a lot - maybe more than one person should - but it still gets me to think about what he faces in the future as it relates to stares, glares, bullying and mean comments.  I remember how hard it was in junior high and high school and how cruel people could be.  I was a typical child with no disabilities and I was teased so I can't imagine what lies ahead for Beau in the real world.  My only hope is that I can continue to talk, educate, advocate and create awareness so that a few less people out there will stare or tease or use terms like "retard" or "short bus", etc. 

As a mother I hurt for my child but find peace in the fact that he is such a happy little boy and doesn't seem to let the worst of circumstances bring him down.  He wakes up every morning smiling and cooing and eager to start his day.  He seems to be finding beauty and joy in the life that has chosen him.