The "Short Bus"

Some of my Facebook friends may have already read this story, but I was reminded of it again and thought I would post it on my blog.  I wrote this in November of 2010 but I felt it was one of those stories that was important to revisit as we prepare for school in August.

I take Beau to a group called "Transition Group" at Castle Hill School in Waterloo.  It is a group that helps prepare him for preschool.  It also helps the special education teachers evaluate him to determine what his needs will be once he starts school.  All in all, it's been a great thing for Beau and because of his exposure to daycare and other children, he does really well with it.  While the children attend the one hour session, the parents (mostly mothers) sit in another classroom and discuss several different topics.  Last Thursday was the final day of this session for Transition Group and one of the school social workers was discussing with us what decisions may lie ahead for us.  On this particular day there was a mom with a little boy who will be 3 next month that was born around 24 weeks and has chronic lung problems as well as a deformity in the roof of his mouth from being on a breathing tube for so long.  This little boy doesn't use many words and struggles with eating because of the mouth deformity.  There was also a 51 year grandmother there with her 3 year grandson who has some speech delays.  That child has a father who is in prison and a mother on meth.  Needless to say, we all have our issues.  I was in the group of course and the last mother there is a mother of 2 children. Her older child who turns 3 (we'll call him "Jack")  in a few weeks is delayed in speech, but otherwise healthy with no known disabilities or abnormalities. Her little boy has made huge improvements by coming to group and Beau loves the little boy and according to the mother, of the few words her son says at home, Beau Beau had become a part of his vocabulary.  This child went from crying so hard that he would have to leave group, to crying for only about 30 seconds after mom dropped him off in the room. Our discussion last Thursday came to busing for the kids.  I said how I thought Beau would love to ride the bus b/c he's a little boy and absolutely loves anything big and on wheels!  The social worker said they are the little buses and they are only allowed to haul around 6 kids at a time and they have the full harness system.  Jack's mother then said and I quote, "I would never do that to my son."  My first thought was that she was scared of putting her little man on a bus and sending him off, which is completely understandable.  Except she kept talking and said, "Could they park the bus in front of my neighbors house?  I don't want anyone to see the short bus parked in front of my house".  Yep - she really said it.  The look on everyone's faces had to have let her know that she was way out of line.  At this point I'm shaking I'm so angry, but before I could say something, she said, "I'm embarrassed when I take Jack out in public around other kids his age that can talk normally and my son just grunts and babbles".  At this point I was shaking and tears were starting to well up - tears of anger.  I let her have it.  I reminded her at first that she should praise God every day that she has a healthy beautiful little boy that she most likely won't be able to shut up a year from now.  He doesn't suffer from chronic lung disease, he isn't confined to a wheelchair or have seizures or fall over all the time because his balance is out of whack from a brain abnormality.  I told her that I would be proud to see my son ride the "short bus" and she should be proud of her son as well.  I asked her if she planned to seclude him all his life because she was embarrassed he wasn't up to speed.  Or if once he was up to speed, she planned to seclude him from children like my son.  She said she wasn't secluding him, but it seems to me that's exactly what she's doing by her own admission and ignorant comments.  I don't care if you think those things, but please know your audience before you let those comments come rolling out.  I feel so sorry for Jack because he has to grow up with a parent with that kind of ignorant mentality.  Just a little lesson to everyone out there.  At any opportunity teach your children about the beauty of people's differences and acceptance and always, always be careful about joking about kids riding the "short bus" - at least around me please!

Not long after I wrote this, I attended a holiday party where a woman in her 60's, with no children, made a "short bus" comment.  We were playing the game Apples to Apples and someone made what she thought was a stupid comment to which she referred to them "riding the short bus".  As adults we are all guilty of making ignorant comments at some point in time.  My point in re-posting this story is to remind other adults that children hear what we say and they learn from our examples.  If this story causes one person to avoid a "short bus" comment then I feel like it was worth it.  I remember how mean kids were in elementary, junior high and even high school and I didn't have a disability.  My hope is that as parents we can teach children a level of understanding and acceptance so that these kinds of hateful and hurtful comments don't get passed along. 

Beau on the bus with his friend.