Milestone charts....you can go fly a kite......

Milestones and milestone charts/graphs etc. have been one of the things I can honestly say I truly dislike.  Most parents I'm sure might disagree because, hey, they have typical children and it gives them something to brag about on Facebook or in their Christmas cards! "My son is 8 months old and he is already walking, way ahead of what the books say! Pretty sure he'll graduate at the top of his class!"  OK, so that's an exaggeration but we know everybody does it.  We all want to compare our kids to other people's kids - it's human nature. 

*Here is a side by side of Beau and Delaney at 9 months of age.  Notice that Beau isn't able to stand, even with assistance and even while sitting on the floor, you will notice I have him surrounded by pillows because he would fall over so often.  He also drooled uncontrollably (still does) and would soak through several bibs a day.  On the right, you see Delaney up and walking using a walking toy.*

Having our first born child have an intellectual disability is what made me dislike those stupid charts so much.  At our daughter's 9 month appointment recently, the doctor went through the standard list of the "is she" questions.  Is she crawling, is she pulling herself up, is she babbling, is she holding her own bottle, is she playing pattie cake, etc.  As he was asking me those questions, all I could think about was when Beau was that same age and those questions were being asked of me.  I remember how horrible and panicked I felt when I kept saying, no he's not doing that.  Keep in mind that at that point in time we didn't have a diagnosis.  His diagnosis wasn't made until he was 17 months old.  I remember dreading those appointments because I knew he wasn't where he should be and yet the doctors kept telling me it would be OK - he was probably behind because a)boys tend to be slower and b)he was quite chunky making sitting up/rolling/crawling difficult.  At the end of Delaney's appointment the doctor handed me the pink sheet with milestones to expect at 9 months.  I kept the sheet for her baby book because it has Delaney's measurements on it, but I didn't read what she should be doing at this point in time.  I have a general idea because of the questions he asked me but honestly don't care. Delaney is doing what Delaney is designed to do at this point in time.  She is on her own schedule.

Two days after that appointment we went to Iowa City for Beau's neurology appointment.  Upon coming on I opened the mail and in it was coupons from Enfamil.  On the back of the coupon packet was this:

Once again, something that is telling you what your baby "should" be doing at this age.  It seems like the reminders are everywhere.  Not a bad thing when you have a "typical" child, but frustrating and disheartening when you have a special needs child - especially when it's your first born. 

Andy and I are constantly amazed when Delaney is able to do something new and at her ability to learn something so quickly.  I think it's safe to say that we appreciate these accomplishments even more than the "average" parent.  We realize how amazing these moments are and how difficult they can be for some children.  I think it's a little hard for us to see how quickly she is surpassing Beau.  It becomes obvious to us now how far behind he really was at this point in time. 

I guess I just want other parents to know that it's OK to throw out those charts and let your child develop and grow at the rate God intended them to.  You will enjoy each amazing milestone that much more and won't take those moments for granted.