Beau

Beau
Our "Beau"tiful Blessing

Thursday, December 13, 2018

It's Been a Long Time Coming: ZBTB18

I guess I'm not sure how to begin this post.  Sometimes as parents of special needs children we don't always know exactly what to say or how to feel about certain tests.  I've been thinking the last several days about the most recent test results for Beau. Let's go back several years and bring it to the present.

A year after Beau was born, and only months before we would be hit with his diagnosis (of partial agenesis of the corpus callosum, epilepsy, non-verbal and global developmental delay), we had been pregnant.  It ended up being a partial molar pregnancy and obviously, as a result, the fetus contained 3 sets of chromosomes, was deformed and we would end up miscarrying.  A partial molar pregnancy is a mess and isn't just like your typical miscarriage.  It was months of blood tests and lots of doctors appointments.  It turned out to be a blessing in disguise as Beau's health would take a turn for the worse just a few short months later. 

Fast forward a couple years when we were finally ready to consider having another child.  We worked with Beau's neurologist and the genetics team at the University of Iowa to run some tests to determine whether Andy and I were at risk of having another child like Beau.  They ran testing based on his symptoms and nothing was found that indicated Andy or I had passed on any particular condition to Beau.  We felt safe to try again for another child.  Delaney was born in 2012 without complication and is an extremely healthy and very intelligent 6-year-old girl. 

In August, during our visit with the neurologist, he recommended doing the GeneDX whole exome sequencing.  The genetic counselor came in and spoke with us and we decided we would all be tested and see if maybe something would pop up.  The routine testing we had done years ago hadn't provided any answers but it sounded like this might potentially give us our answer. Here is the definition from the GeneDX website as to what this test is:

"XomeDx, or exome sequencing (ES), can be used to identify the underlying molecular basis of a genetic disorder in an affected individual and is best suited for patients who have a genetic condition that routine genetic testing has not been able to identify. The XomeDx test targets exons, which are the protein-coding regions of the human genome. Exons are captured and sequenced using massively parallel sequencing."

Having almost forgotten about the testing, I was surprised when late Thursday night (while we were vacationing in Las Vegas) I got an email saying both Beau and I had test results in our MyChart.  I immediately remembered the testing and opened up our charts only to find that it said we needed to contact our doctor for the results.  Having used MyChart enough, I knew that if they hadn't found anything, the results would have been in the chart.  It was after midnight that evening and on Friday I contacted the nurses in neurology.  They let me know that we would have to consult with the genetic counselor to go over the results and she was already gone for the day.  I knew then, that we definitely had an answer, I just didn't know what that answer might be. 

Luckily the weekend kept me busy and distracted and right away on Monday morning I contacted the genetic counselor after dropping the kids off at school.  I was happy that she picked up right away. 

Imagine my feeling, when after almost 11 years, she told me, "Amanda, we found the answer."

Me: "You did?!?!"

I was excited, nervous, sad, scared all mixed into one.  Maybe I didn't want to know.  I mean, after all of these years, I had accepted the fact that God designed Beau to be unique and to teach us things about life, and the giving of oneself and he was just the way God designed him to be. 

We didn't have an answer, the doctors didn't know, it was just a fluke. We knew we couldn't do anything to change that. 

But on Monday, that answer came with the following letters and numbers: ZBTB18 related disorder.



What does that mean???

Honestly, we don't know all the specifics just yet.  We will meet with the neurologist and genetic counselor in March.  We know this is rare.  We know that this genetic mutation in Beau did NOT come from Andy or me.  If I'm being completely forthcoming here, I can't tell you how relieved that makes us feel.  You don't want to feel like something in your DNA caused this mutation.  You don't want to feel like you did this to your child.  That sounds silly and I know no one chooses to pass on some genetic condition to their child.  I just know that it provided me with a sense of relief.

We know from the counselor that this mutation matches up well with his symptoms.  Individuals affected by ZBTB18 have intellectual delays, are usually non-verbal and they have disorders of the corpus callosum as well as other brain abnormalities.  The only one she didn't see from the few other cases was epilepsy.  However, when you have brain abnormalities it seems like epilepsy is always a possibility. 

I really wish Dr. Joshi was here.  She was baffled by Beau's case for years - always wanting to pinpoint the cause.  Tests weren't as advanced 10 years ago.  She'd be pleased to know we have an answer. 

As I know there are some readers of this blog from all over the world, I would be interested to know if any of your children or anyone you know of might have this rare genetic mutation.  It's a big longshot but you just never know!  There isn't much information out there and it would be nice to compare notes, so to speak, with another family.  I could probably provide a lot of information for another family since we have been doing this for 11 years, not knowing it was ZBTB18, but knowing we had a child with a brain abnormality and learning what we've learned over the years.

So for now, nothing changes.  We keep on doing what we've done for nearly 11 years.  We treat his symptoms, we get him the therapy he needs, we give him meds to control his epilepsy, we teach others about the beauty of those with intellectual disabilities, we advocate for those who don't have a voice, we give back to our community, we raise money and build an inclusive playground, we laugh, we play and most of all we love him.  We thank God for designing Beau in such a unique and special way.  We also thank Him for believing that Andy, Delaney and I, as well as our family, would be able to rise to the challenge.  It's not easy.  It's scary sometimes.  It's frustrating some days.  It's something that we will work through our entire lifetime.  It doesn't end at age 18. 


Today I am thankful for our answer.  I'm thankful for advances in science and testing that led to this discovery.  I'm thankful that having this answer might provide scientific data and information for future families.  I'm thankful that you all follow along in our journey and share in all the highs and lows.   

I hope all of you are lucky enough to know someone like Beau at some point in your life.  They will teach you lessons you won't learn anywhere else. 

“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:13-17.

Monday, July 2, 2018

The Wedding Gift

“Sometimes those who give the most are the ones with the least to spare.” ~Mike Mcintyre

Our lives have been incredibly blessed over the years with caregivers for our children that love and care for them as if they were their own.  Finding childcare, especially for Beau, is very challenging and requires finding just the right person.  The last few years we have been blessed with Kelsey. 

Kelsey came to us the result of an ad I placed on the UNI job board.  She was attending UNI for special education and her plans included staying on to be in the Masters Program after finishing her undergrad.  Our first meeting took place via FaceTime and we could tell right away that her smile and bubbly personality would be a great fit for our kids. 

She’s been with us now for 2 years and she is our go-to sitter for our kids.  I’ve never seen someone love children so deeply that aren’t even her own.  To say she has a special bond with Beau would be an understatement. 



A year ago she became engaged to be married to her boyfriend Matt.  She asked permission for Beau and Delaney to be in her wedding.  I was flattered but quickly asked if she was sure she wanted to do that.  After all, Beau can be unpredictable and the last thing I wanted was for our children to somehow ruin her special day.  She said it didn’t matter to her and that she wanted our children to be a part of her wedding.  




As the wedding drew closer, Kelsey and Matt placed an order for 250 of the handmade Bracelets for Beau to give away as wedding gifts to those who attended.  She said she wanted to make her guests aware of Beau's Beautiful Blessings and the Place to Play Park and her own passion for inclusion. Our group was honored and 250+ beautiful bracelets were handmade and packaged with a special message for the wedding guests. 



The wedding of Kelsey and Matt was this past weekend.  Friday evening was the rehearsal and dinner. After the dinner, Kelsey and Matt gave us a check which I assumed would be for $250 for the purchase of the bracelets.  You can imagine my shock when the check was more than that and was at a level high enough to receive a plaque on the fence wall.  I sat there amazed that this young couple, both in the masters program at UNI and both working part-time would give such a generous amount of money to our playground.  I spent most of the evening fretting over it and then realized I shouldn’t be surprised because this is Kelsey’s personality and who she is. And if she didn't want to do it, she wouldn't have done it.  

One would have thought this generous and kind story stopped there.  But it was only just beginning.  



Saturday was the wedding.  It was one of the most beautiful weddings I have been to and the first wedding for our children to not only attend but to be a very special part of.  I was quite nervous, praying Delaney wouldn’t be too shy and that Beau wouldn’t get too scared by the crowd of people, to walk down the aisle.  To our complete relief and joy, both kids did amazing and it was quite a moment for us as parents.  A few years back that never would have happened for Beau.  A year ago, Delaney would have been way too shy and afraid to walk down that aisle.  She was so focused on making sure her brother held his sign and walked with her that I don’t think she had time to focus on her own nerves.  It was a big step for our kids and we couldn’t be more proud of how they did. 




The reception was amazing as well.  We walked in and were able to see this amazing table set up with a photo of Kelsey and Beau as well as our display board for the Place to Play Park.  The bracelets were there in their bags and ready to hand out. After everyone got their meals, the bridal party started their speeches.  Kelsey had told me she would be making a speech about the bracelets and she mentioned that while she would be talking, the bridesmaids would be handing the bracelets out to the guests.

I was anxious to hear her speech.  I failed to record her speech because I wanted to be fully in the moment and hear what she had to say.  I had no idea that the following words would come out of her mouth. 

You can read the full speech in the photo above but here is the part that took my breath away: “Matt and I wanted to do something special for our ring bearer (Beau) and flower girl (Delaney) and their parents to show our love for them and our support for the park.  We purchased some bracelets from Beau’s friends and are giving them to you in the hopes that you will think about kindness and inclusion for all when you see them.” 

And then there was this:

“Matt and I will also be donating all funds from our wedding to the Place to Play inclusive playground in Cedar Falls, Iowa in honor of Beau and the Weichers family. We believe and support wholeheartedly a park where all children can play together.”

And then I cried. 

I audibly said, “no you aren’t” when she said it.  I then looked at my family and said, “who does that?"  

What young couple in their early twenties donates their wedding money to a charity??

It wasn’t long before complete strangers were walking up to our table handing us cash for the playground.  After the Dollar Dance, Kelsey walked over the cash and handed it to us for the playground.  And I kept asking myself, who does that??? 

I want you to think back to your early twenties and your wedding.  Ask yourself honestly, would you have given away all the cash/checks given to you at your wedding?  I asked myself this question and my honest answer was, no, I wouldn’t have done it.  There were bills to pay, a house to buy or a honeymoon to go on.  At this point in my life, however, that answer would be different, thanks to Beau. 

This should tell you everything you need to know about Kelsey and Matt and the kind of people they are.  I was asking myself repeatedly about “who does this” and then I realized exactly who does this. 

A person with a giving heart.   

A person who has empathy and compassion for those with differing needs. 

A person whose parents have raised them to understand the truly important things in life. 

The type of person I hope my own daughter will turn out to be. 

I started this post with the following quote and will say it again here:
 “Sometimes those who give the most are the ones with the least to spare.” ~Mike Mcintyre

The Place to Play Park project will be one for the books.  It hasn’t been a ton of large donors that have supported the project.  It has been small donations that have added up.  This tiny non-profit, Beau's Beautiful Blessings, with its volunteers are pulling off something the big charities never expected we could do.  It's because of people like Kelsey and Matt. And honestly, that is why it will be so special. 

Help me in thanking Matt and Kelsey for their very selfless act.  Kelsey, my kids love you so much and have such a special bond with you that can’t be explained.  I have always felt this way about you (even before this generous act).  We are lucky to have you in our lives and I know that amazing things lie ahead for you. You guys don’t want recognition or expect anything in return but I feel that it is important for your example to inspire others.   



“True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of receiving anything in return.”